If Only Televised Political Spectacles Were More Like Miss America.

In just 24 hours the American people, who could tear themselves away from The Bachelor (I know it was hard, there’s constant intellectual wonderings- Do these women have some sort of attachment disorder that causes them to “love” so quickly? Why are men always attracted to the crazy one? Why is Ben’s hair so sad?) will have been able to witness not one but TWO major political events.

Ok. One semi-major event (The State of the Union) and one mind-numbingly repetitive one (Another GOP Debate).

Either way- as I was watching the GOP debate last night, and as I contemplate the inevitable that will occur during tonight’s The State of The Union, I began to think:

What if we gave some pageantry pizazz to these lackluster and sometimes painful political events? 

• Begin with a snazzy dance number- At the debates, they do these ridiculous openings, complete with flashing lights and “contestant” introductions. Great- they are on the beauty queen track. But let’s pump this up a bit. Nothing would compare to three WASP-y white men and one tiny Texan, dancing to Shake That. Plus, perhaps working with their choreographer Juan will open their horizons, make them a little more accepting of an alternative life style. I mean it seems to be working for Michelle Bachmann’s husband…

• Cut Away Shots- Think about how much more “real” the event would be if when a candidate talks about his “middle class” background, we could see pics of them. It would help us make connections! And while Mitt goes on and on about the working middle class, we would see him on his first yacht or throwing around his first hundred- because really, what young person who doesn’t go through those time honored traditions?

• Disney!- Since once again, Miss America has found its home on ABC, this year we saw the contestants frolicking about in the magical world of Disney. I remember when I was younger thinking how badly I wanted to be a contestant, just for a free trip to Disney World, hanging out with all those gorgeous gals. Cut to tonight- when members of one side of Congress will act like they have perpetual springs in their ass, while the other side, will have looks on their faces like they have been sucking down lemons. (See Below. Could John Boehner look anymore pissed to be clapping?)

What if, at the end of the evening tonight, we got to see shots of congressmen riding Splash Mountain, Senators spinning on the Tea Cups, and President Obama and John Boehner running, hand in hand with Mickey Mouse, castle in the background, showing the pure joy that only Walt Disney’s magic can bring? Wouldn’t we all have a little more hope for America?

• Give Um’ The Ol’ Razzle Dazzle- The Miss America contestants are talented. Just ask the future doctors, lawyers, teacher and professionals who have all been a part of the program. But oh- do these girls like their rhinestones. The Miss America contestants will put rhinestones on anything- even their posteriors, which really can’t be comfortable. I can only imagine that’s what has happened in the below picture- she slipped, fell and is not butt-jumping from the pain of a rhinestoned-ass. (Full disclosure: she was a jump-roper. I’ve heard her talent is actually pretty awesome. And I would decorate EVERYTHING with rhinestones. And pretty much have.) BUT I DIGRESS.

If only, just once, the people at the State of the Union could show up in full ball gowns, the men in bedazzled suits. We would rate them, not just for  the intelligent people they are, but their poise, physical fitness and use of bling to highlight their “ass”-ets. State of the Union- win.

• Last but not least- A Crowning Moment to Remember  In the State of the Union there are rarely winners. Commentators of the left praise new visions set forth by President Obama and commentators on the right swear he’s putting an end to “Our here free-doms with his socialist, communist, math-doin ways.” Everyone sort of loses in this scenario except those at home, playing State of the Union Drinking games. They are winners. BUT, in the debates, there are undeniably winners-  specifically those who manage to come out seeming even slightly saner than the people next to them. Thus, we need a crowning damn it, as well as family members rushing the stage. This mean- next debate that ol’ Newt wins, we march wife 1, 2 AND 3 out on stage. Talk about fireworks- we won’t need pyrotechnics when we have the tension of all three of those women, huddled around for Newt’s big moment.

Take a cue from last year’s Outstanding Actress crew- everyone loves a good crowning. And some humor. And some not-being-awful. Let’s work on this shall we? 

A “Realistic” Woman

Some days it sucks to be a woman.

We have Work It on tv, the new ABC sitcom which has men dressing up like us. And not just us as women, but dressed using the worst, most ridiculous stereotypes of us. And most bizarre, it seems to be implying that it would be easier to be a woman than a white man in business.

We also have The Bachelor on tv (Also ABC as a matter of fact) with girls crying hysterically over losing the love of their life, that they met 15 minutes ago.

You mean you DON’T do that?

And, as a coworker of mine pointed out, our political representation includes “I can see Russia from my house,” and “9/11 widows are harpies.”

It’s really hard sometimes.

So when I saw an article entitled “‘Most runway models meet the BMI criteria for anorexia’, claims plus-size magazine in powerful comment on body image in the fashion industry,” I mentally groaned.

If it’s not one thing, it’s the other.

Looking at the pictures, of an admittedly gorgeous woman, I can’t help but wonder what HER BMI is. In one in particular, where we see her body next to a scarily thin girl (See Below.) I found myself thinking- aren’t we celebrating extreme’s? Isn’t THAT what our culture is guilty of?

The larger woman, is that a healthy weight? Isn’t the above picture illustrating negatives of two kinds- what it means to be to thin, as well as what it means to be too large for ones frame?

And I guess the same goes for my first examples-  we are all guilty of it. I’m probably represent the worst, when it comes to consuming those stereotypes- think about my TV addictions! I turn on Real Housewives because hearing women scream at each other is FUN. I like the stupidity, the crazy. And yet, in the same way healthy isn’t found in anorexia or obesity, neither is what it means to be a woman.

Our world could use far more normal: in body, in intelligence, in life. There are super women all over the world- going to school, working, helping others.

So let’s take a minute to celebrate THAT.

P.S. Along those lines, check out this story about the women at Miss America. I still get my share of comments but I think this story accurately portrays why these women are truly pretty super- (I’ll be rooting for the wonderful and incredibly sweet Miss Indiana who happens to be my former roommate!) Tune in Saturday evening, as ABC redeems themselves by showcasing some actually wonderful young women with incredibly wonderful “healthy” bodies. I’ll be tweeting furiously, I’m sure.

Bad Journalism- Pretty Girls Can’t Be Smart and Smart Girls Can’t be Pretty

The below article was published in the Indiana Statesman, Indiana State University’s student newspaper, with the student drawn comic. As someone who took pride in writing for the Statesman my senior year, please excuse the poor writing and journalistic skills.

Saturday, Oct. 29, 16 young ladies competed in the 24th annual Miss ISU pageant.
The pageant, which was first held in 1958, has allowed ISU women to work in the community, as well as show off their attributes.
As stated in the Oct. 26 article in the Statesman, a requirement for eligible participants is they must raise at least $100 for the Children’s Miracle Network. Contestants also spread awareness for causes “close to [their] hearts,” Freda Luers, associate director of student activities, has said.
However, the most noticeable aspect of the pageant is what takes place during the competition itself. The women are asked to partake in a fitness and healthy lifestyle portion, where the girls are judged on their poise, physical health, confidence and charisma.
During the talent portion, the women sing, dance, play an instrument or recite poetry for 90 seconds. They then participate in the evening gown portion, where the contestants walk across the stage in formal dresses and are also judged for their confidence and stage presence.
Regardless of the stipulations or connotations tied to pageants, the contestants do collect at least $1,600 for charity—that’s always a positive.
However, we can’t ignore those stipulations or connotations. Even if community service is a part of the pageant, it’s overshadowed by vanity. Just like any other pageant, the ladies are still critiqued on their appearances.
Out of those 16 contestants, how many of them were overweight? How many of them were awkward? Too tall? Too short? How many under privileged? How many had self-esteem issues?
And how many of them could easily be classified as intelligent?
The problem with pageants of any kind is that they are usually exclusive, focusing on a cookie-cutter image of what a woman should be (in the eyes of the judges).
What ISU should encourage though is a competition for all walks of life. The university has begun to do that with the Miss Gay ISU and Miss Black ISU pageants, but what about everyone else? What about a competition that applauds the academic efforts of ISU’s women? What about a competition that praises women who have endured and overcame hardships?
ISU has an opportunity to break from the mold. It can be a university that encourages and rewards its students for what matters in the real world: brains and integrity.
Or it can continue to pay its students based on their surface value.

Oh where do I begin with this article?

Do I begin with the comic, which seems to portray the antiquated notion that women cannot be smart and attractive? The illustration that shows scholarship money awarded to a girl titled “most pretty”, a title I can only hope is a poor attempt at irony and not their own inferior grasp of the English language? Or the premise that the smart girl only likes pants, and apparently has received no merit scholarship?

Or is the better place to start with the downright poor journalism at play in this article? Not once is it mentioned that the Miss ISU pageant is not a search for the prettiest student to lavish money on, but a preliminary for the Miss America pageant, the single largest provider for scholarship money for women. IN THE WORLD. Further, the statement that these women are judged on beauty is unequivocally untrue. Unlike many pageants, (Miss USA), there is no award for being photogenic. For that matter, if the author had bothered to go to a MAO prelims, or you know, looked up any state program, they would have found that more often than not, the most beautiful girl doesn’t walk away with the crown.

OR do I start with the fact that the person who wrote this article OBVIOUSLY didn’t bother to GO to the program last Saturday?

“Out of those 16 contestants, how many of them were overweight? How many of them were awkward? Too tall? Too short? How many under privileged? How many had self-esteem issues?
And how many of them could easily be classified as intelligent?”

There were a RANGE of bodies up on the stage- tall, short, thin and yes, overweight. And, as a matter of fact, I can speak for at least two of the other comments: There was one student competing who would be classified as low income, which I can only assume is what the writer meant by “under privileged” and the first runner up? Yep, she’s on the Dean’s List and has been, every semester she’s attended ISU.

Or the fact that NO WHERE in the article does it mention the 10 minute interview the girls must engage in? A 10 minute interview that includes questions on current events, politics, a contestants platform, anything. AND that this accounts for 30% of a contestants score?

I’m glad Miss Gay ISU and Miss Ebony (It’s not called Miss Black ISU… You’d think the STUDENT newspaper would know that, wouldn’t you?) exist. That’s great. But they are truly PAGEANTS. The production is simply about the production, there is not further goal, no platform, no greater channels for helping the world. Nor do these programs do anything to aid in a young woman’s aspirations for higher education.

For those of you that don’t know, I was Miss ISU 2010. Yep, I’m sure it’s shocking after reading the article, to imagine this 5ft, rather curvy, completely literate (apparently more so than the author) girl, was indeed Miss ISU. Have you recovered from the shock? Ok, let’s move on.

I think there are intelligent arguments that can be made about the Miss America Organization. I think it struggles with relevance and image, and I think the program suffers from a generation gap- a contestants’ generational ideals are often different from the “wholesome” values the organization wants to portray. An illustration of this? Miss America is regularly on Fox News and a guest on The 500 Club. When contestants come from a generation that overwhelmingly believes in gay marriage and watches The Daily Show for news, who is Miss America speaking to?

Or if we are asking for smart women, why is the swimsuit portion still valid? While a time honored tradition, isn’t there a better way to demonstrate our pride in fitness?

But this article does not ask those valid questions. Instead, this article plays into what may be an even more dangerous stereotype for women. It says that women’s identity is multiple choice- we can choose to be smart or we can choose to be pretty. We choose to be identified by our race (Miss Ebony) or we can choose to be identified by our sexuality. But we cannot be all of the above. Because smart girls wouldn’t want to work on their interview skills right? Or showcase their talent, their enjoyment of performing? Nope. They have nothing to gain from participating in the MAO organization.

Do me a favor. Not impressed with me, my Presidential Medal I received at graduation from ISU for Service, Leadership and SCHOLARSHIP? Not impressed with the bevy of interviews I garnered as a senior, that I was so prepared for because of Miss ISU? Or, in a struggling economy, my ability to begin a career in public relations at a multi-city ad agency? Ok. I’m not offended. I’m not that impressive.

Google Kristin Chenoweth. She won several locals, just like Miss ISU, going on to compete in 2 MAO state programs, which led to an elite scholarship to further her voice training. That, one might say, contributed to her Tony wins.

Google Claire Buffie. Miss New York 2010. Indiana native. Besides sporting an incredibly impressive resume, (Did I mention she’s getting her masters at Georgetown? Most pretty. Yep.) but she is also the first contestant to have a platform of gay rights- “Straight Talk for Equality” it was called. Why is this important? Well for people who support gay rights, this intelligent, well spoken, admittedly gorgeous young woman, garnered NATIONAL news coverage for her work while Miss NY. She was interviewed several times on MSNBC, discussed on Saturday Night Live, marched for Gay Marriage on RHONY, and received an award from Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, also known as PFLAG, not to mentioning traveling to schools across NewYork to discuss bullying and harassment. Take that cookie cutter.

Google Kayla Martell. Google Kate Shindle. Google Kelly Lloyd. Google the amount of money ($45 million) that helps women go to college: law school, med school, business school.

Or perhaps, take the time to Google your own school’s program. Talk to contestants, win or lose, who’ve gained interview skills, poise and confidence from MAO. Get your facts straight and stop calling young women stupid.

If you stand by your ignorance- Pretty girls can’t be smart, Smart girls can’t be pretty, then what your ill-attempt at journalism serves to prove is that you are neither.

Countdown to Change

There are just 10 days until Miss America. I realize, you the reader, are probably not as pumped about this as I am. Most people probably aren’t keeping a countdown or planning a Miss America party with an excitement matched only by my giddiness over birthday plans. But this year, I think there is a strong argument to sit up and pay attention.

For the first time, in the history of Miss America, one of the contestants, Miss NY, has a gay rights platform. For an organization that is perceived as so traditional, maybe even out dated to some, this is a contestant who is daring to go somewhere new. To say it’s a ballsy choice is an understatement. And will it make people uncomfortable? Absolutely. Is there the chance that it will make Mid-America question the All-American image? Without a doubt. But isn’t that what women are meant to do? Little girls may be sugar and spice and everything nice, but a woman is intelligence and heart. While there will absolutely be 53 outstanding young women on that Las Vegas stage, I can’t help but feel passionately about what this contestant has to say.

Isn’t it amazing? I’ve watched this video several times now, and passed it along to several more. Each time I’ve watched it, I’ve felt myself get emotional. THIS is the definition of Style, Scholarship, Service and Success and I can’t wait to root her on next Saturday.

Representing Indiana- Gabrielle Reed!