So long 2011, It’s nice to meet you 2012.

Being a “collegiate over achiever” was, in some ways, a disservice to my adult self. College gave me structure. While I was able to forge my own path, I had constants- another year of school, a team, steps to bettering myself for after college. I was always sure of the next step.

What no one ever told me, what no one ever prepared me for, was life without a timeline.

2011 was a busy year. It was NCAA, 500 Festival Princess, interviews upon interviews. It was graduation and independence and a new life in a new city.

And as people talk of 2012, all week I’ve been stuck thinking- What next?

There is no hurdle to be jumped. No goal in need of accomplishing.

And for some people, hell most people, this doesn’t seem unreasonable. I’m working in a job I like, living in a place I’m enjoying exploring. I’m slowly getting involved- bit by bit finding ways to use my free time productively. This is life and I’m living it.

But for the control freak in me, I’m having a weee bit of a panic attack.

I expressed as much to a friend who wished me Happy New Years this morning. They responded that it sounded like I should resolve to do something in 2012- something to make me happy, where I could make a difference.

With that text, I had an epiphany. I sprang into action, resolving to be a one-woman Mother Theresa. Beginning today, I was ready to save the world.

Or I spent the day bumming around my apartment, making chicken squares, watching ridiculous movies while reveling in my high def.

Either way.

But it did remind me of something- for as much as I knew about 2011, it turned out nothing like I thought. A year ago I sat on my friend Lindsay’s couch and blogged about what I wanted from 2011, only to find the year offered so much more. I couldn’t have begun to see where I would be now and part of the fun is not knowing.

So here’s to 2012, whatever it brings. I hope for safety for family and friends, adventures to keep me curious and more love than I know what to do with. I hope for opportunities that I can’t begin to imagine sitting here on my couch and I hope for the courage to always say yes to each experience that comes my way.

So here I am 2012. I’m waiting for you.

Readers- Hope you had a great beginning of the year. Thanks for putting up with me, for reading what I have to say and for providing your wonderful feedback. Be ready for more Short List in 2012!

The Power of Two Hours

I have to admit I had no intention of doing a second Heartland Film Festival post. I really never intended on doing a first one but like many of my blog posts, I was irritated and decided to rant in the only forum that gives me undivided attention.

Movie 3, on my week of nine, not only made up for my distaste of movie 2, but it had me holding my breath. It wasn’t a thriller or a love story, but a documentary following the lives of 4 impoverished high school students as they prepared, against the odds, to be the first in their family to attend college.

Entitled ‘First Generation‘ the movie touched me more than I thought a movie could. The film told the individual stories of 4 juniors, as they made their way from second semester, to senior year, to 9 months into their college journey. These students, 2 girls and 2 boys, one black, one white, one Mexican, one Polynesian, struggled to make dreams for a better life come true. These were the same stories of people I went to college with, people I knew who had to really struggle to make higher education happen.

And I just had so many thoughts racing through my head during the movie…

I thought how lucky I was to have a supportive mom, who didn’t place the burden of college solely on my shoulders.

I understood, then more than ever, why we cannot pretend that all students have an even playing field. It’s not level. Not because some students are just smarter, but because some students don’t get the opportunities, never get the chance that others do. Some students are one grant, one scholarship, one emergency, from having to give up. They never get the same chance, which only perpetuates the cycle of poverty.

I thought about how lucky I’d been throughout high school and college to find professors that cared, and I hope dearly that students like the ones in First Generation, find adults who will nurture and support them.

I thought back to a conversation that occurred in my office earlier this week, when a co-worker mocked the mentality of millenials, my generation. As I watched these kids in the film, fighting so hard just to get by, to do better and show others what is possible, I couldn’t help but be proud. There wasnt an ounce of entitlement in them. A desire to move up? For glory? To make a name for themselves? Absolutely. But I was also incredibly aware that this group of kids, our generation, is stuck with the problems and scars of previous generations’ mistakes. Yet we persevere. We keep searching and striving and wanting more. And that makes me proud.

I’d seen this poster, the tag line for the festival countless times these last few weeks. But it wasn’t until watching this film I really READ it. I saw the meaning of this slogan in that film. First Generation shows why it is so important to give back, to reach out and help those students who need it most. It made me thankful for wonderful friends who have perservered even when odds were against them and made me proud of what we are capable of when reaching for our dreams. I’m so glad I got to see this film and trust me, it’s worth the watch. You’ll view the world differently and isn’t that what art is about?

P.S. Once you see it, or maybe just after reading about it, you’ll want to do something. GREAT! There’s a tab on the First Generation movie website for how to mentor, raise money or help First Generation students.

Things I Learned in 2010

I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. -Henry David Thoreau

Our New Year’s Resolution? Standards.

1. Having standards is crucial.

After a 2009 of questionable choices in life and love, my friends and I vowed last year that 2010 would be a year of standards. For me, this came mostly in the form of rethinking my decisions for what I wanted from my life. What I’ve realized is that sometimes life is about taking risks, even when it is scary. I deserve happiness. I deserve fireworks. And if I’m not getting what I want out of life? Well, not only do I not have to accept it, I have the power to change it. (Simple right? It was an epiphanic for me.)

It was a year of firsts- mud wrestling with the SGA crew!

2. Act my age- I only get this chance once.

I have spent most of my life being an adult. While I realize I am still far more responsible than the average 21 year old, I feel like this year I have done a FAR better job of embracing the college experience. From running through campus in the middle of the night for the heck of it, to my first Rocky Horror experience; from going on dates I never would have imagined would be fun, to an attempt at 100 days at the Bally (New Years resolution for 2011? Get that done.) I have experienced so many of the things I spent most of college thinking I was too “busy” to fit in.

Mary Tyler Moore, My Idol- Who can turn the world on with her smile?

3. My “voice” isn’t half bad.

This year, in addition to standards, has been a year of finding out who I am and what I’m capable of. I’ve accomplished more than I ever thought possible and looking back it has been a HECK of a year. I feel far more capable of standing up for myself, for getting things done, and for going after my dreams than I ever realized.

Hopefully next year will be full of even more milestones- In May I will graduate, followed, hopefully, by my first big girl job. (Still searching for leads there- anyone with suggestions I would be ETERNALLY grateful) and then- who knows?

“You’re gonna make it after all!” (Insert hat toss here)