Being a “collegiate over achiever” was, in some ways, a disservice to my adult self. College gave me structure. While I was able to forge my own path, I had constants- another year of school, a team, steps to bettering myself for after college. I was always sure of the next step.
What no one ever told me, what no one ever prepared me for, was life without a timeline.
2011 was a busy year. It was NCAA, 500 Festival Princess, interviews upon interviews. It was graduation and independence and a new life in a new city.
And as people talk of 2012, all week I’ve been stuck thinking- What next?
There is no hurdle to be jumped. No goal in need of accomplishing.
And for some people, hell most people, this doesn’t seem unreasonable. I’m working in a job I like, living in a place I’m enjoying exploring. I’m slowly getting involved- bit by bit finding ways to use my free time productively. This is life and I’m living it.
But for the control freak in me, I’m having a weee bit of a panic attack.
I expressed as much to a friend who wished me Happy New Years this morning. They responded that it sounded like I should resolve to do something in 2012- something to make me happy, where I could make a difference.
With that text, I had an epiphany. I sprang into action, resolving to be a one-woman Mother Theresa. Beginning today, I was ready to save the world.
Or I spent the day bumming around my apartment, making chicken squares, watching ridiculous movies while reveling in my high def.
But it did remind me of something- for as much as I knew about 2011, it turned out nothing like I thought. A year ago I sat on my friend Lindsay’s couch and blogged about what I wanted from 2011, only to find the year offered so much more. I couldn’t have begun to see where I would be now and part of the fun is not knowing.
So here’s to 2012, whatever it brings. I hope for safety for family and friends, adventures to keep me curious and more love than I know what to do with. I hope for opportunities that I can’t begin to imagine sitting here on my couch and I hope for the courage to always say yes to each experience that comes my way.
So here I am 2012. I’m waiting for you.
Readers- Hope you had a great beginning of the year. Thanks for putting up with me, for reading what I have to say and for providing your wonderful feedback. Be ready for more Short List in 2012!