How much is too much? (My friend is much better than me.)

My friend Matt is smarter than me. 

He sings better than me, he writes better than me and he is continually funnier than me.

He also has a blog that is much better than mine because 1) He remembers to write on it on a consistent basis and 2) Did you not read the part about being funnier, smarter and a better writer than me?

The only time I beat him is on the rare occasion when he posts weird singing videos. I’m sorry Matt but I kick your ass on those “vlog” days. Brief classical training does make strumming a ukelele and creating your own songs ok.

Anyway, the other thing Matt has going for him is that he legitimately loves to write. He has a gift. I’ve kept just about every note he’s ever written me (including one where he outlines how I’m actually a gay man trapped in a woman’s body) because I’m convinced one day he’ll be famous.

While my blog posts usually take a sharp turn to the heartfelt and sarcastic, Matt always manages to make me laugh so hard I cry. He grasps brevity, where I blather on for 700 words.

Perhaps most of all, while I’m a card carrying crazy liberal some (most) days, his pieces are so funny, it’s almost impossible to find fault.

Almost.

Yesterday, after a particularly funny post that may or may not have suggested that, “Mitt Romney burns a $100 bill every time he sees a homeless person peddling for change” his mom decided to have a “carefrontation.”

She’s concerned that with his business degree and corporate dealings, someone might find him offensive.

While his response involved the assertion that if Fox News got away with so much hyperbole, then so could he, it really got me thinking: How much is too much?

Once upon a time, Miss Manners used to demand that people not discuss money or politics. It makes for bad conversation and for ill-feelings. But with the internet, a giant blank wall, awaiting all of our respective work vomit- where do we draw the line?

To the concern of future jobs- I can’t imagine working somewhere that cared who I voted for or how giddy I was when Rick Perry couldn’t seem to count to three. It’s part of who I am- I don’t want to ignore that.

Plus, I’m in a field where there are tons of creative people. I could make some generalizations here but instead, let’s just say that while I’ve never done an industry wide poll, I’m going to guess there are more than two people who would identify as being LGBT (or LGBT friendly) working in ad agencies, public relations firms and other communication fields- all across the country. (Possibly many more than 2.) So I think everyone can be ok with me expressing my beliefs in equal rights, or at least not SEEM too intolerant.

Other than that, I’m not sure.

How much is too much?

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge of controversy.” -Martin Luther King Jr.

Don’t start- I know my blog isn’t changing the world or breaking down racial barriers a la MLK. But I firmly believe that the passions we have, the beliefs we hold and the stupidity we are brave enough to speak out against may one day help make a difference.

You know, to the two of you still reading this.

Are You The Regina George of the Blogosphere?

Ever since I began working with blogs- researching them, reaching out to them, reading them on a fairly consistent basis, I’ve become intrigued. Some blogs are wonderful- The Bloggess, of “What a fucking bitch” p.r. fame, keeps me laughing on a regular basis. Mindy Kaling’s blog The Concerns of Mindy Kaling, is a new find and I find her wit, and shopping suggestions,readable and hilarious. Even after complaining about the vapid nature of some fashion/cooking/diy bloggers, there are a few I frequent including The Glitter Guide, Cheetah is the New Black, Sarah’s Laundry and See Anna Jane. To round out my blogging, I read a couple Indianapolis blogs- Doing Indy and the Indy Spectator.

And I must say, I am in awe of some of the bloggers I follow. I am fascinated by their leveraging of what they love to do, what they love to talk about, into opportunities. Let’s be honest, I would absolutely love to have someone paying me to talk about whatever is on my mind, be given exclusive access to special events or be given fabulous clothes to play fashion model with. (Hold on- The idea of a constantly replenished wardrobe that wasn’t causing my bank account to cry has caused me to daze off a little.)

And I’m back.

But there is a flip side to this trend. It is, what I would like to call, the Regina George’s of the blogosphere. (Remember the ringleader of the Mean Girl’s Queen Bees?) These, I’m sure, perfectly well-intentioned bloggers begin over sharing every detail of their lives via blog post. Entries begin to sound something like this:

A) This morning I_________.
B) For breakfast I ate ____________.
C) To occupy my morning I:
got dressed/worked out/went shopping/ made a giant paper mache eiffel tower out of: cookies I baked/puppies I rescued/paper from trees I personally developed and planted.

And my question becomes- WHO CARES?? What sort of personal affirmation are you so in need of that you are sharing with the world your every move? Or every outfit you put together each morning? Or, my personal favorite, everything you eat so that they can be just as ridiculously fit as you? It’s the internet equivalent of Regina’s desire to lose 3 lbs!

I understand that blogging can be personal. As much as I enjoy when my blog stats soar, I’m always equally surprised to learn people actually read my little rants.To me, it’s a form of self expression- audience be damned. On the other hand, these “day in the life” bloggers, always strike me as a symptom of the way we, the Millenial generation has been raised. It echoes our continual quest for stardom by acting as if we are so important, our every move needs documented.

It’s easy to forget this mess isn’t solely our fault. We’ve grown up with reality stars, in an era where notoriety has a strikingly similar path to fame as talent- Kim Kardashian anyone?

And we over share our life because we expect the world to care just as much as our parents did. We’re a generation that grew up hearing we could be anything we wanted. Princess? Sure. Firefighter? Why not. President of the US?? Well of course you can sweetheart! We are a generation whose parents were so concerned about not breaking this: “You are the Best” charade, that we got a medal, not for excellence, but for showing up. That’s who we’ve been raised to be.

So I blame that combination for what is happening in the blogosphere. It is what causes members of our generation to believe that if someone else garnered a book deal or received an invite to New York Fashion Week because of their blog then Gosh-Darn-It they can too. These not-so-good bloggers ignore the fact that, some bloggers are just great writers. They are original, they are driven, and what they say MEANS something. It is their talent, their unique point of view, and their general ability to not take themselves too seriously- THAT is how they become popular.

Because in blogging, with an Internet full of options, it is originality and talent that are cause for attention and staying power. Endless recounts of your every move? Well, you’ve successfully become the Regina of the Internets.

The Plight of Women

50, 60 years ago, society had a pretty firm definition for a woman’s role in society. Women’s job was to be pretty and helpful. Sure, they might go to school, they might even work. But these jobs weren’t about their personal success- No! They were means to an end- to finding a husband, to helping the family. Selflessness was a highly prized virtue for women, as was caring. Women were to care for the children, care for the house. They were to be “good wives.” Don’t believe me? There were “How-To” guides for being the ideal that included “Be happy to see him” and “A good wife knows her place.”

Let’s not kid ourselves- this life of selflessness and caring by no means assured happiness for the woman of the 50′s and 60′s, nor did it keep said husband happy or from cheating with his secretary, (Donald Draper, anyone?) But in those days the message was clear: sit down and shut up- this is where you women belong.

In todays’ world women have options.Women have more capabilities, more choices available available to them than they did 60 years ago. Yet it seems to me that women have not yet accepted, not yet embraced that power. Instead there seems to be a clear longing for yester-year, a prevalent cultural message (perpetuated by the choices we women make) that “Happiness is marriage and a family and the caring of both.”

The need for marriage begins for women before they even walk down the aisle. They collect bridal magazines, watch shows on the perfect day and dream of an eventbthat cant possibly live up to their expectations. For girls longing to walk down the aisle, popular wedding forum Brides.com, provides an entire support group for those ywomen who’s men have not yet popped the question. Over 7,000 messages on 642 threads bemoan the frustration women find as they wait for the man to ask them to get married. Women talk about 8 year relationships with out a proposal, counting down, setting deadlines. They ask other unengaged, unhappy women, why on earth the man of their dreams hasn’t proposed. They talk plans of the perfect dress and the perfect ring, when they obviously haven’t found the perfect relationship.

I see the same type pattern in the world of Mommy Bloggers/Fashion Blogger. Women post endlessly on what they wore today, or what their favorite new recipes is and how they made their house feel like a “home” with a craft project. One article sites as many as 42 million female internet users with as much as 43% seeking advice and community in bloggers.

Even more stunning is that industries have taken notice of this phenomenon. PR professionals, (myself included) pitch to them, wanting both their endorsement and the attention of the audience at their disposal. They are featured on TJ Maxx Commercials, invited to insider fashion week events and given products to review and discuss. The business industry is paying attention to the buying power and trends of these women who are taking pride, and finding success, in their decidedly female roles.

While the “Why-Won’t-He-Propose” bitch fest, signifies, to me, a total relinquishing of power, the female blogger phenomenon is a little trickier. On one hand, the power of women, to brand, to market themselves, to find a sense of community where we can learn from each other, says a lot about our awareness and abilities. On the other hand, why is it that where we are seeing a boom in women’s voices, is in the same cliched areas that we are quick to mock in the “How-To” guide. Are women sharing recipes and talking shopping for themselves? Or are they coming up with meals so as to “have dinner ready on time for his return” and to “look fresh on his arrival”?

I can’t help but question how we, as women, are using our voice. If we have the skills, the numbers, and the time (look at the number of Mommy Bloggers alone) why aren’t we using that voice and that audience for more important things than how to turn our old bra into an evening bag? (Could I make this up? No.) Love fashion, love your kids, share tips and trends. But don’t forget, that as easily as we can talk about those roles, we can also be talking about our role in society.

In 1950, women weren’t supposed to have a voice. It’s 2011 and we are fully aware that woman can do more. Knowledge, influence, is power we don’t seem to be sure what to do with it.